I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
