You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
