where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
