at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
