I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
