i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
don't judge my taste in strippers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
