sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
