You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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