Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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