If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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