Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
