Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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