I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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