just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
