I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
