..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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