im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize