Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
