Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
