Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
