so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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