I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
