Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
