this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
