you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
