My hand turned me down
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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