Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
