Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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