gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
