Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
