Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
