So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
