Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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