I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
