She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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