Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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