Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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