I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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