I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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