The maid of honor just puked.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Two words: blizzard sex
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
