My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
