I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
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