Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
