I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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