i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
