just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
