i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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