Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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