i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
