if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
