Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
In America we eat man semen.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
