apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
