I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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