also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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