I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
