we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
