I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
