OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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