You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
