we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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