Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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