Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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