he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
