Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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