1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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