I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
