i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
