Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
