i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
