between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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