wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
