I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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