I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
