i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
