are you still at the devil's house?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
