To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
