My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
