ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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