Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
