guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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