ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
