he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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