If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
